Words by Naomi Gottlieb-Miller
I am extremely competitive by nature. As a kid, I hated losing. It did not matter whether I was playing board games, sports games, or just displaying my photographs in an exhibition. I had to be the best.
A more recent example of my competitive streak: when my husband and I were still dating, after losing to him more than twice at cards, I threw the cards on the ground. Were they remained for three days. Until we both picked them up.
So naturally, I was drawn to yoga. And I know this seems like a contradiction, but I was not initially drawn to yoga because of its calming nature. On the contrary, yoga gave me even more people against who to compare myself and with whom to compete.
At first, I felt satisfied by this unspoken battle to be the best when I did the poses that came naturally to me and showcase my natural flexibility, like backbends. But if another person was better than me, I would get pissed off. Literally, angry. Sometimes it would ruin my entire class, if not my whole day.Then I found a new teacher and a new kula.
And I found it in this hip part of New York City, at a studio where the yogis made me wildly jealous with their mind blowing practices (and not to mention outfits!). However, they never made me feel unwelcome or like we were vying for top yogi in the class. Instead, this community made me feel like what they did with their bodies, hearts, and minds was possible for me as well.
In my very first class, after being on a yoga hiatus for about a year, we paired up to practice handstand in the middle of the room. At first, I was intimidated. I didn’t know anyone there and they all seemed so badass. The class was leaping courageously into this inverted balancing pose—one which I had to rely upon sheer determination to execute. Thankfully, my experienced partner gave me enough root support that I could lift off. Not as skillfully as some of the “pros”, but just as joyfully.
Naomi in handstand pose.
I loved this practice of Anusara Yoga so much, I decided that its profoundly inspiring principles should be shared, which is part of the reason why I became a yoga teacher.
I wish that I could truthfully say that my long history of competition is over, but it is not. Yoga, in of itself does not encourage competition. Instead, the desperate need to be the best lives in our own individual hearts. The ugly truth about competition is that at its root, it is divisive. Drawing battle lines between our mats forces us apart… not just within yoga class, but within our friendships and communities. Competition within the yoga world is as corrosive as acid.
The word yoga, however means to connect. To bring qualities, components, people together which are different, but that ultimately complement one another. So divisiveness has no place in the yoga world.
It is a constant struggle for me, as a yoga student and as a yoga teacher, to not let certain things get to me… like my difficulty in balancing in forearm stand in the middle of the room (when so many of my yogi peers find their balance with ease!). Or my challenge to create a regular meditation practice (“Fidget” is my middle name)! Or when one of my students stops taking my class and begins studying with another teacher.
In these times, I try to remember that the practice of yoga is not about who is the best yogi, teacher, or person. Rather, it is about how when we bring our collective powers together as a community, we truly shine. And that collective power benefits us personally and universally.
My teacher, John Friend, once said that when you do the very best you can it is perfect. If you put your heart and your best intention into something, it cannot be anything other than perfect because the offering that you have made is so complete and full. The Sanskrit term for this is Purna, which simply means perfection, or a fullness of being.
I ran in my first 5k race on May 2nd of this year. I had not run in a race since middle school, and had avoided racing for a long time due to my nasty competitive streak. But this 5k was all ages, from five to sixty-six. My goal: Purna. I did the very best I could do and came in 10th among the 130 women who ran.
I credit my ability to run this race to my yoga practice. Not just from a physical standpoint, but from an emotional perspective. Winning was not my goal. Finishing with integrity, with joy and doing the best that I could do on that day, was my goal. Seeing all those running with me made me feel even more supported, rather than threatened. I am so grateful to my yoga practice for reminding me to enjoy our collective successes as a community instead of just our individual triumphs.
Naomi is an Anusara-Inspired Yoga teacher, who believes a handstand a day keeps the doctor away. You can find Naomi teaching at Circle Yoga, Spiral Flight, and Willow Street Yoga. You can also catch her this Friday, May 28th at Mint’s Friday Night Yoga Party.
“In these times, I try to remember that the practice of yoga is not about who is the best yogi, teacher, or person. Rather, it is about how when we bring our collective powers together as a community, we truly shine. And that collective power benefits us personally and universally.”
Lovely. A rising tide lifts all boats.
Nice one, Naomi and great seeing you at the CTG, even briefly! Have you ever read my YJ article on competition? Check it in! From a few years ago. http://www.yogajournal.com/for_teachers/2359
Thanks, Amy and BJ! I am inspired by both of you to shine to my fullest on a regular basis.
And everyone should read that article Amy is quoted in, listed above. It has some phenomenal insight into more of the anti-competition.
A very inspiring post. Over the years Yoga for me has become a very personal, intuitive practice where I do my very best in my own way. It’s good to leave the competition behind and focus inward! Namaste to you.
I never think of anything except going “inward” when I do yoga. When I do yoga alone, in my own space, it reaches far greater meaning and experience. When I do the yoga poses with others, I am still doing it “alone”. Being competitive has no place in yoga. You have a great blog, Naomi.
Interesting comments about competitive impulses finding their way into your yoga practive. Speaking in general here – I think that the commercialization of Yoga plays a role in this.
My initial exposure to Yoga was via Richard Hittleman’s humble yet very helpful TV show back in the early 70s. But things have changed drastically since then and while the major underlying styles are mostly intact (a topic deserving its own space), hybrid instructional approaches have been introduced primarily to claim “market share”. One studio’s “brand” must be sufficiently distinctive to attract students, which is essential business competition. Thus its hardly suprising that this idea would trickle down into the practice itself.
To wit I’ve see an increasing number of studios setting up stages at a local arts-and-crafts shows, shopping malls, and music festivals offering promotional demonstrations ,which more closely resemble a Cirque Du Soleil performance than anything else. Lately it seems that participants seemed to be more concerned with what they are wearing and/or who is doing what pose more than presenting a basic authentic idea about yoga. But paying the studio overhead sometimes requires this type of promotion. After all – martial arts studios do it all the time so why not Yoga ?
Running any type of *profitable* business is hard and there are going to be compromises though with yoga this can be dangerous. Lots of owner/teachers feel th e need to “perform” just to keep the client. In the extreme some gyms and studios are rebranding personal trainers as yoga instructors (despite lack of training) simply because they are “ripped”. Hopefully people see through this and no one gets hurt following the instructions of an underqualified instructor. But this is an example of how competitive it is out there.
Anyway back to Richard Hittleman. I still use his book and still like to get back to the roots so to speak
when yoga wasn’t an industry but something you did to improve yourself, your health, and your relationships. Back then we didn’t worry about wearing the latest fashions to the studio nor did we feel like striking poses to get oooss and aahhhs. The very thought of that is really scary even now – but I also realize its a different time now.
Nice post Kala, and long overdue for a woman in the yoga movement to say it.
At times I feel like I’m one of the few who’s willing to speak critically of the narcissistic
culture that has grown up around yoga, and that is getting worse – not better.
I do feel that a spiritual practice of this nature is best left in the hands of
older, more seasoned and more emotionally responsible people. There’s onoly so far you can get developm,entlaly before you emerge from the chryslais of your late 20s and early 30s. In my 15+ years in yoga, I
have practiced with maybe 1 or 2 very young teachers who were extraordinariy gifted.
They were born with a rare natural grace, and early on cultivated a deep spirituality, in part, perhaps,
because of their parents but also because they were prepared to actually do the inner work – and not just preach it.
The best teachers don’t tend to stay in the studio environment because they know
it breeds a lot of the problems you refer to. They want to grow beyond assembly-line yoga
and all the faux-celebrity and princess worship they find in the studios – and indeed, within
themselves.
What do you suggest in the way of reform? There is very little honest and reflective
dialogue within the yoga world, and between teachers and students. For all this
talk of “new” styles of leadership, the “guru” model is top-down and truly archaic.
It may suit a setting in which the yogi is a long-established guru – and
accomplished spiritual practititioner – who takes on just a couple of disciples in a
lifetime.
What we have today by contrast can’t be taken that seriously. Personally, I think the movement
should just drop all the spiritual pretense, and focus more narrowly on “wellness.” We should also honestly admit that we are not really about meditation, which is the whole purpose of one’s asana practice. In fact, every class ends – just when it should begin.
I would love to practice yoga with someone of your insight, whichis truly rare. Feel free to call 301-332-6297. And thanks for the book tip! NAMASTE
you have a great blog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my blog?
Your house is valueble for me personally. Thank you!?-